The whirlwind of cancer. Not Stage I Breast Cancer this time. Stage III, and Thyroid. This time no margins at time of surgery. The cancer is out and about. I realize what this might mean, what I’m begging God what it must not mean (my children are little, and even the not so little kids of mine could use a Mom, I think). A good kind of cancer, they say, and in next breath … ‘but if it’s set in, not just in the lymph nodes, this treatment isn’t effective’. The heaviness has been crushing at times. Regardless of the horrifying possibilities, as I receive hundreds of loving Facebook comments, promises of prayers coming my way, love cheering me toward courage, I feel the heaviness lifting. Feel the flow of the life of God moving through my body, filling my hope bucket full.
And as my spirit shifts because of the prayers being prayed, I can’t help but think of all the times I’ve experienced pain 1000 times what I’m dealing with now. Pain from ordinary things that aren’t acceptable to post on fb. I’m guessing you know the kind of pain I’m talking about. As many people as ways of hurting, they say. Such truth. A child in trouble. Money impossibilities. An addiction. Extended family rifts. An embarrassing learning disability that makes everything in life difficult. A dead marriage. A dead heart. Dreams never actualized. Money impossibilities. A job ill fit. When the job finally comes to a halt, unemployment that solves nothing. Being misunderstood indefinitely by someone who matters. Obesity. The shame about the thing. A college education still being paid for, yet never utilized. Ugly teeth hidden behind closed smile.
And today I think to myself “I don’t know what will happened with this cancer, but while I’m here, every comment you post, the one about the paint color used to reface your hallway, your favorite local celeb, a picture of the plate you’re eating off of, any post at all, I’m gonna take as really saying ‘would you please pray for me. I haven’t talked to a soul about what’s going on, but ________ in my life hurts so much. I have no hope. I’ve given up long ago. It would take a miracle to change ….’. I got it, message received. No need for me to dig, to pry. To ask you questions. I’m receiving your unspoken request - no need for words unless you decide you feel safety and wish to post your needs. I suppose even when we try to say what we need, words are insufficient for the tangles our heart makes of what we’re going through. I have decided to pray for you with the intensity of fighting a prowling cancer, just the way my loving friends are praying for me now. You might be thinking ‘Speak for yourself, lady. I don’t ever have pain like that.’ to which I reply ‘if on this planet you aren’t experiencing the deep pain of life, you’re hurting someone else, and could definitely use a prayer.’
Yes, I’m taking this cancer seriously. I don’t know what the outcome will be. I suppose because cancer is what it is, the rest of life moves into focus. And as the reality of things come into view, I am writing what I see. That other parts of life can hurt like hell. They require a miracle, too! It can’t be that God only cares about acceptable requests to prayer. Medical needs, safe travels, you know. Those shameless transparencies. From now on, I’m going to assume that each and every time I see you show up on Facebook, since you belong to the human race, you’re experiencing some impossible pain in your life or will be shortly, and desperately need Jesus to act. He will be hearing from me about you in the same way He’s been hearing from you about me. Just to let you know.
Rejoice in hope,
be patient in suffering,
persevere in prayer.
Romans 12:12
And as my spirit shifts because of the prayers being prayed, I can’t help but think of all the times I’ve experienced pain 1000 times what I’m dealing with now. Pain from ordinary things that aren’t acceptable to post on fb. I’m guessing you know the kind of pain I’m talking about. As many people as ways of hurting, they say. Such truth. A child in trouble. Money impossibilities. An addiction. Extended family rifts. An embarrassing learning disability that makes everything in life difficult. A dead marriage. A dead heart. Dreams never actualized. Money impossibilities. A job ill fit. When the job finally comes to a halt, unemployment that solves nothing. Being misunderstood indefinitely by someone who matters. Obesity. The shame about the thing. A college education still being paid for, yet never utilized. Ugly teeth hidden behind closed smile.
And today I think to myself “I don’t know what will happened with this cancer, but while I’m here, every comment you post, the one about the paint color used to reface your hallway, your favorite local celeb, a picture of the plate you’re eating off of, any post at all, I’m gonna take as really saying ‘would you please pray for me. I haven’t talked to a soul about what’s going on, but ________ in my life hurts so much. I have no hope. I’ve given up long ago. It would take a miracle to change ….’. I got it, message received. No need for me to dig, to pry. To ask you questions. I’m receiving your unspoken request - no need for words unless you decide you feel safety and wish to post your needs. I suppose even when we try to say what we need, words are insufficient for the tangles our heart makes of what we’re going through. I have decided to pray for you with the intensity of fighting a prowling cancer, just the way my loving friends are praying for me now. You might be thinking ‘Speak for yourself, lady. I don’t ever have pain like that.’ to which I reply ‘if on this planet you aren’t experiencing the deep pain of life, you’re hurting someone else, and could definitely use a prayer.’
Yes, I’m taking this cancer seriously. I don’t know what the outcome will be. I suppose because cancer is what it is, the rest of life moves into focus. And as the reality of things come into view, I am writing what I see. That other parts of life can hurt like hell. They require a miracle, too! It can’t be that God only cares about acceptable requests to prayer. Medical needs, safe travels, you know. Those shameless transparencies. From now on, I’m going to assume that each and every time I see you show up on Facebook, since you belong to the human race, you’re experiencing some impossible pain in your life or will be shortly, and desperately need Jesus to act. He will be hearing from me about you in the same way He’s been hearing from you about me. Just to let you know.
Rejoice in hope,
be patient in suffering,
persevere in prayer.
Romans 12:12
